Personal: Scrambling at Life

There are times when I feel like I’m a headless chicken, scrambling through life trying to find my way. Do you ever feel this way? Last week was a little tough. There were many things going on. I felt that it was way too many. It was difficult trying to find a balance between my career, my personal life, and my blogging life.

Before the two kids, it was easier. Well, a lot of things were easier back then. Now? It isn’t that it’s necessarily more difficult, but rather I find myself thinking that I’d rather spend most of my free time with the kids or with my family. My priorities have shifted. While I’m still driven by my career, it is no longer on top of my list. Do you ever feel this way?

The past week, I had to focus on work. There were things going on that I had to focus on. I spent a lot of free time at work, to handle my responsibilities. I left before my kids were awake and came home after they fell asleep. It was tough, but I knew that it wouldn’t be forever. But the mom guilt was strong, guys. So strong.

So during the weekend, I disconnected from everything else but my family. If I was on social media, it was to post pictures of the kids on Instagram. While my Instagram is public, it reflects my life. Not just the book part, or the family part, but all of it. It’s why I won’t really push Instagram as a platform to follow. I love my kids, and I’ll show them off, but I don’t expect you guys to think the same way.

Well thanks for letting me rant. I’ll be back this week. Last week was just bleh, and I’m really hoping this week gets better. I’ll still be busy, and I’ll probably still be like a headless chicken. But at least I’ll have a direction to scramble to.

I just finished Skandal by Lindsay Smith. LOVED. What are you reading?

Personal: Dear Me

For International Women’s Day, women across the globe wrote letters to themselves, their children, their people. Youtube even had a #DearMe campaign, where different YouTube celebrities wrote letters to their younger selves. I watched a few videos and saw it as an initiative to inspire and empower younger teens everywhere. If you’re interested, watch the videos here.

It had me thinking. What would I tell my younger self? What could I even say to the girl who was just trying to fit in? (Let’s face it, I was still trying to fit in, in my 20s.) And the more I think about it, I would want this letter to show what I would tell my two little ones.

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Dear Me,

Love yourself unconditionally.

Hold your head high and embrace who you are. Others may see you differently, but you are just like them: a young person trying to figure things out.

Spend as much time with your family as you can. Don’t think that it’s uncool, because in the end, your family will be the only ones who will love you no matter what.

It’s okay “he” wasn’t the one. Your heart may be broken, but you will soon learn how to pick yourself back up and survive. And in the end, what you do after an emotional crisis is what really matters.

And don’t forget to love yourself.

Love,
Older you.

P.S. – Don’t fight wearing your glasses. You’re going to love it later on.

What would you tell your younger self?

Personal: Drawing a blank.

Over this past week, I have been in a reading stump (of sorts). It’s not necessarily that I’m not loving anything that I’m reading, but rather that I’m not in the proper mood to read. My kids have been sick, so I’ve been watching TV when I can. But let’s face it, I’m not sure what to really do now.

Basically, I’m drawing a blank.

Time is passing by! I’m back at work, I turned 35, and I am living my life as much as I can without falling over. Life is tough, and so is parenthood. I always feel like I don’t have time to relax, but that’s not really true. I just don’t see my free time as something tangible anymore. Before, I could always take a half hour, or so, and read, or watch a show on my DVR, or even watch something on YouTube. But now? I don’t know!

Blank!

Maybe I’m just exhausted. That has to be it right? Or maybe I haven’t been reading something that is fully capturing my attention. Maybe, just maybe, I’m living in this alternate universe and my subconscious doesn’t know what’s real or not real. Oh well. I’ll get over it. I started reading a new book lately. It’s amazing. I’ll tell you more about it later.

Side note: I watched Mockingjay the other day, and I loved it! All of the creative edits were perfect. The integrity of the book was kept intact while allowing me to enjoy the movie experience. I didn’t sit through the movie thinking and analyzing. I just watched. It was great, and so was the movie.

Goodbye, 34. Hello, 35!

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Tomorrow, I will be 35. Tomorrow, I will begin another year of awesome.

Every year, I am always compelled to write/jot/type my thoughts down about the previous year. I always feel like I should reminisce and reflect, paying a tribute of sorts to all of the good and bad things that have happened.

My 34th year has been great and joyous. There have been a few down times, but they have definitely been overshadowed by all the positivity and awesomeness that this age has brought to me.

The 365 days that has passed between 34 and 35 have been eventful. And while I can list down all of things that have brought me joy and happiness, nothing beats the simple fact of loving myself and loving those around me.

I remember being much younger and thinking that being in the 30s was old. Well, look at me know. I am a woman who knows where I have been and where I am going. I learned that I was capable of so much more, and then some. There are still many things to accomplish, many things to learn, and definitely many, many things to see. I cannot wait to see my kids grow and to grow old with my husband.

Well, 35, here’s looking at you. Here’s to all of the things to come and the adventures that I’ll have.

My age may just be a number, but I see it as an accomplishment and an adventure.

Book events.

I attend my fair share of book events. I’ve started attending these events since I was in college. My first event was for an autobiography for a professor that I admired. When I realized that book events were a thing? It pretty much began the obsession.

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These days? I attend local book events, most of the time with Stacee. They’re a great way to meet the author and get a little more information about the book, their writing process, and other fun facts that you wouldn’t normally get anywhere else. (For fun recaps of book events, check out Stacee’s blog.)

If the event is local (within 30 minutes), I’ll leave work early, meet up with Stacee, and get dessert (sometimes two desserts!). If the event isn’t too local, I usually won’t go into work. I’ll spend the morning with the kids, and then Stacee and I will head up to the LA area. Other times, I’ll already be in the area for a weekend and attend from there.

It’s exciting to love a book, or an author. But it’s extremely exciting to see the author in person listening about the book I love, or will potentially love. Most of the times, my face-to-face experience with an author adds to the readability or obsessiveness I will have with that book. It’s a great feeling when you understand the basis of an idea for a book, and get a behind the scenes understanding of the events that took place to make this book happen.

My favorite questions to ask the author(s)?

What is the most drastic thing you have done for a deadline?

and

If you had to choose a theme song for your writing process for this book, what would it be?

Have you ever been to a book event? If so, which has been your favorite?

Reading binge.

I am in a huge reading binge. I started last week, after my Disneyland trip, and I haven’t stopped.

I’m a part of the 2015 Real Book Challenge, so I’ve been grabbing books, from the huge stack that shall not be mentioned, and I’ve just read and read. And read.

I don’t read as much as I used to, and that is mostly attributed to parenthood and a busy life, but I have been really into reading lately. Sometimes, I don’t feel this way, and I’ll binge watch something. (Like catching up with Scandal, and Arrow, and anything Food Network on Netflix.) But for now? It’s a reading binge.

I’m enjoying it. I’ve been lucky enough to grab some really great titles. I’m also lucky that there are completed series in that huge stack, and I can go through them without having to look for the next book or wait for the next release. (Because, I really hate it when that’s the case and the currently released book ends in a huge cliffhanger. MAJOR FAIL!)

I’m hoping to get through a certain book 1 and 2 right now, because a series finale book is being released tomorrow. AND I NEED TO FEEL LIKE I DIDN’T TAKE A BREATH IN BETWEEN BOOKS. The last book that was released in the series ended in a huge cliffie, and it almost killed me.

What are you reading? Have you reread anything lately?

Oh, that reminds me. I need to reread about Finnikin and the Lumatere Chronicles.

High expectations.

WP_20150131_007I can be my own best friend and worst enemy. Many times, it is usually the latter.

I am almost 3 months postpartum with my second child, S. I compare this postpartum experience with my first, O. And let me tell you, my body isn’t bouncing back as it did with my first one. I have always had an issue with my body, and in turn my self-esteem, but this time it is a little different.

I want to look like everyone else, in the general sense. I want to be more like how they look and a little less of how I look. And while I know deep down that it is unrealistic of me to have high expectations of what my body should look like (especially after two c-section births), I am hard on myself.

I have certain expectations of how I should look, and I’m not meeting them. I am usually comfortable in my own skin, but lately it hasn’t been that way. Constant thoughts of I need to be those measurements or I need to wear this dress size. And while we can make arguments that it is the media portraying an ugly and unrealistic image, it isn’t usually them that I get ideas from. It’s me. Continue reading