Ramblings: Day 6

It’s raining.

Mind keeps wandering. I keep staring out the window.

The book in my lap? Still on the title page. My fingers? Frozen in place.  I fear for the emotions and feelings that I will feel once I start reading the book. I fear the memories that will come back. And while I am in a good place now? I still fear the sadness.

I may be thinking about it too much, and I probably won’t really know until I start. But isn’t that the thing about fear? You just don’t know.

The book has a heavy cloud of sadness looming above it. A sadness that I’ve heard is like when the heart spirals into a deep abyss. A sadness that shatters the warmth love, quickly diminishing the feeling of comfort and security.

I mean, it is a book about cancer and death. And yes, while there apparently is some joy to the story, nothing ever bodes well when it comes to cancer.

I’ve read many stories about cancer before. One in particular that shook me to the core. Will this one be the next?

*turns to the first page* I guess I’ll never know until I face that fear.

7 thoughts on “Ramblings: Day 6

  1. Sometimes reading a book about a subject extremely close to home, but told from another perspective can have the power to provide comfort instead of sadness. Maybe it will make you feel as though you are not alone. Cancer brought my family to our knees and yet hearing others stories always makes me feel like the bond between survivors and those who love them grows each time.

    I hope the book gives you comfort instead of fear or sadness!

  2. I, too, read a book sometimes and fear the kind of emotion it may bring out of me. ): I’m also pregnant right now so EVERYTHING is overly emotional for me. This was a great post.

    (It is also raining here. I love the rain.)

    –Wynter

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